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How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't, by Lane Moore
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Review
“Lane Moore is one of the most talented people I know and I’m so glad even more people will be able to read her words.”— Mara Wilson, author of Where Am I Now?: True Stories of Girlhood and Accidental Fame“How to Be Alone feels like peeling back your best friend’s skull and jumping into her brain. Lane is so open and funny and honest; I never want to be alone if it means I can’t have her with me. What a gift.” — Samantha Irby, New York Times bestselling author of Meaty and We Are Never Meeting in Real Life“How to Be Alone is like a song that pops up on the radio and lifts your spirits . . . so special, elegant, and true. It’s spectacular and truly personal. This book is with me every day, and it helps so much.”— Caroline Kepnes, author of You, Hidden Bodies, and Providence“How to Be Alone is the book I wish I had read in my early twenties. I truly believe it would have saved me a world of pain. The moment I met her I felt like I had known her my entire life. This book will make everyone smart enough to read it feel the same exact way.”— Laura Benanti, Tony Award-winning actress“Within this compassionately told memoir, Moore offers hard-won advice for those looking to get beyond a painful past.” — Publishers Weekly "Lane Moore turns a dismal childhood into laughs. [Her] story offers insights about the effects of childhood trauma and our capacity for resilience."— The Washington Post"It is [Lane's] thoughtfulness and compassion that will make How to Be Alone resonate with readers long after finishing the last page . . . Moore’s book is the empathetic friend you’ve been searching for your whole life."— CURVE MAGAZINE“An irreverent, candidly introspective exploration of toiling with loneliness that will leave readers feeling not so alone.”— Kirkus Reviews“The essays are whip-smart, pithy, and full of an honest, conversational charm that sets Moore apart.”— Booklist"One woman's wry, wise, sometimes funny and often melancholy reminder that friends can be demanding and complicating, love is imperfect and obligating, and you can't count on a hard-charging cavalry of people who were just right for you to come riding over the hill and sweep you away."— NPR's Weekend Edition "The most epic, incredible, soaring parts of your story, are the places where you’re tender, and funny, but also so harrowingly sad and devastated. Your commitment to survival is more than a notion; it’s a balm, an affirmation, an eternal love note, and a sacred love manifestation that starts as a whisper and rises into the atmosphere. How to be Alone gave me closure. What a gift it is to know that there’s another person in the world who’s so brave and true to her spirit that she survived the hardest parts of being alive. Instead of sinking into despair or madness; being waylaid by bitterness or tragedy; or turning the grueling and terrifying dark of isolation against yourself, you’ve transmuted it into a fire so bright that it blazes brilliantly, with a classic, universal humanity. James Baldwin said, “You think your heartbreak is unprecedented in the world, and then you read. How To Be Alone is like that."— Bitch Media "Honest, hilarious, and deeply intimate. How to Be Alone is a profound first book from a truly talented writer."— Bustle "[How to be Alone] pulls no punches . . . Readers will find themselves in her stories, and even if they don’t, they will come away from this book having learned something. A great book for all ages but should be required reading for 20-somethings navigating young adulthood."— New York Post "[A] bracingly honest memoir...Moore is especially equipped to address the taboo of loneliness, along with other adult problems, with hilarity and aptness."— REFINERY 29 "Even if you don’t know Lane personally, she still feels like someone you’ve known for years. And that’s exactly what reading How to Be Alone feels like: having an honest conversation with an old friend."— Hello Giggles "In funny, super relatable, and smack-you-in-the-face-with-how-thoughtful-it-is prose, Moore talks about crushes, identity, feminism, and finding self-worth when everything inside you is telling you that you kind of suck. Funny enough, How to Be Alone made me feel a lot less alone."— Marie Claire "Enter Lane Moore, who is the cutest human, creating relatable comedic material that is so raw, you’ll want to cry and cuddle with her— partly because she point-blank states that she craves comfortable, platonic cuddling, and partly because you’ve realized, while reading, how much you crave it, too."— Sometimes Snarky "It might sound like a downer, but she manages to add a lot of humor along the way."— Bustle "While Moore is delving into some of the most difficult moments of her life, she does it with wit and humor in a way that makes this book an enjoyable read."— BITCH MAGAZINE "How to Be Alone by Lane Moore isn’t a self-help book or one about mental illness but I included it because I think you might find some encouragement within the pages of this book."— All the Good Books
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About the Author
Lane Moore is an award-winning comedian, writer, actor, and musician. The New York Times called her comedy show Tinder Live “ingenious.” Her comedy and her band, It Was Romance, have been praised everywhere from Pitchfork to Vogue, and her writing has appeared everywhere from The New Yorker to The Onion. She is the former sex and relationships editor at Cosmopolitan, where she received a GLAAD Award for her groundbreaking work expanding the magazine’s queer coverage. She lives in Brooklyn with her dog-child, Lights. You can follow Lane at @HelloLaneMoore on Instagram and Twitter or visit LaneMoore.org.
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Product details
Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: Atria Books (November 6, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1501178830
ISBN-13: 978-1501178832
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.6 x 8.4 inches
Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
207 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#2,312 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I met Lane once a few months ago at a party during a time in my life when I was desperate to overcome my social anxiety so I could make new friends. After awkwardly inserting myself into a conversation about The Office, she mentioned writing a chapter about Jim Halpert in her upcoming book, “How to Be Aloneâ€, and I knew I had to read it because boy did I need that instruction in my life. As a person who gets attached too easily, who too desperately wants to be liked and loved and have someone whom to give the overwhelming amounts of love in my heart, I fully expected this book to teach me how to not be miserable about not having friends and being painfully single or at least not to be so desperate for love.Instead what I got was quite the opposite of the title of the book, a sense I was not alone. Lane is at times painfully honest about how alone she has been and felt, but there is no bitterness. You see how great her capacity to love is, and you truly feel that love, as if she‘s left a piece of her heart on the page, just for you. It seems so rare these days to find people who are not shy about expressing how terribly alone they have felt, but also how deeply they care and love and all the things they want for themselves and so very much need. Many of the pages are now earmarked because I found so much of myself in this book and I want to go back and read those pages to remind myself I’m not alone in the things I feel, but more importantly that it’s ok to feel them.There are so many more amazing things to be said about this book, and I know others will find themselves in these pages just like I did. If you’ve ever experienced a time in your life when you’ve felt truly alone, this book is for you.
This is like sandpaper for your heart where it needed to be smoothed out so badly because you keep getting splinters from the rough bits but god the sanding hurts too.
I’m not sure I can put how I feel about this book into words, but I’ll try. The word “alone’ has always summarized my life, and yet Lane has brought depth and meaning to my state of alone-ness I did not know I was seeking. I, too, was that kid who did everything to escape, to go outside, with friends, with a boyfriend, alone down by the creek, driving the back roads of my county once I had my license – which was the very day I turned sixteen – anything to be away from my house and revolving door of my mother and her endless parade boyfriends and relationships. Superficially, my (divorced) parents appeared congenial and cooperative to onlookers, and thus, I imagine others believed I was treated well. My (forced) independence at ages as young as six when I was a latch-key kid was celebrated as a commendable achievement. This so-called independence was a crutch enabling my parents to avoid all nurturing and care setting me up for a lifetime of abandonment and trust issues because no one was ever there for me.Tears of empathy and solidarity welled in my eyes as I read Emergency Contact Left Blank because I knew I found a kindred soul. I, too, am the kind of orphan that makes sense to no one, and Lane’s writing has made me feel seen in ways over twenty-years of therapy sessions have not. She has made me laugh at my condition and bridged a path toward acceptance that there will never be a resolution for my childhood. This book is the Reality Bites of 2018, and the companion that gets me.
When I preordered this book, I felt like it was coming at just the right time in my life. Having now inhaled it in one sitting, I don't think there could have ever been a wrong time.Moore can't help but imbibe every page with humor, regardless of the subject matter, and even when I was reading through tears (which I did no less than six times, folks!) I was laughing out loud.I've struggled since high school with how to navigate romantic relationships. I wrote a paper in my junior year about my resistance to pressure to lower my standards and ‘settle’, and over a decade later not much has changed. That apparent self-confidence is completely at odds with my debilitating fear of ending up never making that connection I'm holding out for--a fear that looms larger as every day brings me closer to turning 30.This book was one of the first pieces of pop culture I've encountered that validated that unsustainable dichotomy, instead of spending untold time and energy trying to ‘see what's out there’. That happiness I'm looking for cannot be forced. This is true not just for romantic relationships but for family and friends as well, and Moore doesn't seem to hold anything back when she includes visceral personal anecdotes to propel this book beyond a mere memoir or self-help book and towards something that is far greater than the sum of its parts.I would tell you all the ways, big and small, I felt like this book resonated with me so personally and so specifically, but I get the feeling that everyone will find something that speaks almost scarily directly to their personal experiences here. Lane Moore has done a monumentally courageous thing with How To Be Alone, and I could not be more grateful to her for that.
I ordered this as soon as I heard Lane's interview on NPR, as this 60-something woman resonated deeply with so much of what she said. I devoured it, and had to wait for the tears to stop before I could read the acknowledgments. Lane is an old soul who beautifully captures the pain and potential of aloneness at any age. Lane's story and honest convictions will inspire many, and this is a book I will return to on a regular basis for reassurance and affirmation.
Lane Moore emptied her soul to describe her own survival. And somehow it's more funny than sad/horrifying. Lane's writing style puts you in her car, on a bad date, figuring out how to arrange furniture in a room with a dirt floor while rapists lurk outside... and you'll feel like she's telling you this while you're sitting on couches under blankets and cry-laughing. I want to give this to everyone so they can feel the warm assurance of Lane's voice that is a genius mix of devastating and triumphant, but mostly the latter. Is it weird to be proud of an author you've never met? That's me with this book. Bravo.
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